Gottman method couples therapy
Arguably some of the finest research in all of the social sciences, is the longitudinal research on relationships by John Gottman (1992) and his colleagues. Studying and tracking couples for over four decades Gottman and his colleagues were able to predict which relationships would prosper and which would struggle or end with almost 92-95% accuracy! This high level of predictive capability is truly remarkable in the social sciences (Atkinson)!
Using a whole host of biological and psychological tests they studied over 3000 couples. They were able quantify the micro expressions and body language of hundreds of couples as they interacted. They could then determine factors that, if present and left unchanged, were so toxic that a relationship was almost certain to fail. Gottman named some of these factors the “Four Horsemen of a Relationship (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, scapegoating).” Inversely, they discovered factors found in healthy, loving and long-lasting relationships that supported the growth and protected the relationship.
It has been said behind every great man is a great woman (I realize there are many types of loving couples out there but forgive me I need the quote). While John was the genius researcher his better half Julie, was a genius therapist who had the insight that couples needed their help to avoid the chaos of separation and divorce. Apparently, as the story goes, they then saw to transforming all this research into a therapeutic method that would ultimately help thousands of couples grow and move away from struggle.
…and the Gottman Method was born.
Although this research focused on couples, I and I think many would argue, it also applies to relationships in general, including the relationship you have with yourself!!!!!! This research seems to reveal a fundamental aspect of human nature. That is most of us need to feel understood and, therefore, react poorly to feeling judged.
So as we embark in Gottman Method Couples Therapy a symmetry is often seen with how you are better learning to relate to your partner may translate to how you are better learning to relate to yourself.